A Man Of The Cloth
by Kyer
Summary: Barry Allen needs some help and the only one he thinks who can do so is Hal Jordon. Well, actually Hal's the second one Barry thought of anyway. This is pure friendship and humor. No slashy overtones.


A/N: Hal Jordan and Barry Allen ficlet based on a bit of humor that struck me not long ago. It came up again yesterday and I decided I _had_ to write something based on it. References to things like Blackest Night and the two Geoff Johns Rebirth stories. Please note that while I'm more a fan of Wally West's Flash, I do like Barry...especially with Hal...and mean no disrespect to the character...but dang it...I love comedy!

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**A Man Of The Cloth**

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"Hal...you have to help me."

Hal Jordon, a very good friend of fellow superhero Barry Allen smiled. Since they'd both been returned from the dead, Hal and Barry had not had a chance to get together much (other than fighting hordes of Black Lantern zombies that is), but that had been strictly official business as Green Lantern and The Flash. Now here was Barry -The Fastest Man Alive (or one of them) coming to see him for what sounded like yet another call to save the world.

Hal loved it when they could save the world. More importantly, _chicks_ loved a guy who saved the world and Barry was too shy and in love with his wife to be giving any competition in that area.

"What's it this time, Barry? Starro? Grodd? Don't tell me its those evil alien cloud things again?" Hal might be the intergalactic agent of the two, but he had to give it to Barry for finding the truly weird adversaries. "And why aren't you dressed as...?" he nodded at Barry who was dressed in a casual suit.

"I need a loom."

The Green Lantern's exuberant expression fell into one of confusion. "A what?" If this had been Plastic Man, Hal would have just figured that O'brien had asked for a 'boom' and Hal had misheard.

"A loom." Barry glanced around, looking uncomfortable. "You know...those apparatuses that make fabric out of yarn or thread."

One edge of Hal's green domino mask lifted a tad. "You've been speed reading through the Webster Collegiate dictionary again for amusement, haven't you?"

"Yes...well, no." The blond police forensic scientist sighed. "Research."

"Okay...so you need a loom."

"Hand type...large size," Barry added.

Jordan considered the strange desire for such an archaic tool. "Why not just build one from scratch? You could do that in a blink of an eye...with one hand tied behind your back."

"I tried. It didn't work."

"So untie the hand." Intense blue eyes glared at him. "Wait...you, Mr. 'I-can-absorb-the-entire-contents-of-The Congressional-Library-and-retain-it-long-enough-to-rebuild-anything' couldn't construct a _loom_?"

"Of course I could!" Barry sighed again. "It didn't work."

Hal was incredulous. "You built the Cosmic Treadmill.._.a masterpiece of engineering that allows you to run through time and space and stop at any precise moment_...and you're telling me you couldn't build a freaking loom." His friend blushed under his stare.

"Hal, I built a loom! It's a straightforward device...a frame..."

"But you couldn't make your clothing with it." Hal realized.

"Not even a bow tie." Barry admitted with a rueful smile.

"Barry, you're losing me. You're a police scientist and a damn good one. I know that's not like being a rock star, but surely you can afford to buy something without having to hand make it." The civilian-clothed Flash reddened even more.

"They don't exactly sell Flash uniforms downtown."

"Ever been to a party shop in October?"

"I'm serious! See," an agitated Barry began gesturing a little. "I've always made my Flash suits with this mold I invented along with the secret formula also of my devising..."

"Yeah, you're a regular Thomas Edison."

"Anyway, I've always used this device to make my Flash suits and when I left it behind after my...disappearance, Wally took it when he decided to take over the job of Scarlet Speedster."

"So? Ask for it back. The kid worships you, Barry, you know that. He'd give you the moon if you asked or die trying."

"Vandal Savage took it from him early on. It was never found."

"Oh."

"Star Labs made him a better version anyway."

"So go to Star Labs and ask them nicely for a fitting. With just a few alterations they could do the same for you...they'd just have to enlarge the belt area measurements a bit."

"Very funny, Hal."

"I try." Jordon smiled his roguish smile. Unfortunately, it was wasted on Barry. Man was a good friend, but as serious as a heart attack.

"The thing is, Wally stopped using Star Labs as his personal clothier years ago. He makes his own suits now."

"Okay."

"Out of pure Speed Force."

"Okay." It was news, but not particularly Earth shattering.

"The Speed Force I invented..." Barry's blue eyes crinkled in confusion. "Or created...it's all really sort of complicated."

"Yes, Barry, you're the regular Thomas Edison of the superhero world. I already said it."

"Wally also doesn't need the Cosmic Treadmill to travel beyond our time or dimension either. He just almost instinctively knows when to stop running."

Hal blinked at him. "All right. So he's got a leg up on you in some areas. Ask him how he does it."

"I did."

"He said _no_?" (Now that was surprising. Wally really did worship his uncle and past mentor.)

"No. He said yes. We spent an entire weekend going over the details starting from why he had to learn these things to demonstrations on how he does it. He was a very patient teacher."

"Sounds like you two finally had some quality time together."

"I tried to go to the early geological Quatenary period...ended up in One Million B.C..._the 1966 movie set_."

"Um..." Hal scrubbed at his face, not sure what to say to that. "Maybe you just need more practice? After all, you were 'dead' for quite awhile there."

"It was horrible, Hal! Wally had to fish me out numerous times before he tactfully suggested we take a break and switch subjects."

"I take it the other lesson didn't go any better?"

"You could say that. Ever watch the Addam's Family? When Morticia was knitting those sweaters for what could have been a Starro creature? By comparison, I might have been able to wear one of her's. Mine...It tried to take over the house. One of the dozen mismatched sleeves almost strangled me as Jai and Irey were screaming that the squid from Disney's Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under The Sea was attacking. If Linda hadn't managed to toss Wally a pair of sewing shears..."

"Linda was always handy in a pinch, so I've heard."

"I don't think my Speed Force likes me on a personal basis, Hal. Wally's not too happy either come to that though he tried not to show it. He was originally going to spend the weekend with his kids. I don't think he planned it to be rescuing them from a mutant Speed Force pullover."

"Um... Well, you know what they say...practice makes perfect."

"Hal...a whole weekend. Twenty four hours times two." Barry reminded him. "Do you have any idea how long that equates in normal human time vs speedster perception?" Hal shook his head. "It's like _forever_, Hal." Barry looked down at his hands and sighed. "Here I am, The Premier Flash, Prime Professor of the Flash Facts, and not only do I still need the mother of all exercise equipment to get anywhere in history without ending up decades off target, I can't even tailor my own Speed Force fabric. It's downright embarrassing." The forlorn man hid his face in his hands. "Wally even had to make me a temporary suit because my own had gotten trashed during the battle, plus I think the kids are going to need psychological therapy."

"Look, Barry," Hal placed a consoling arm around his upset friend's shoulders, "you're regarded as a _saint_. Some of us should be so lucky. Considering you saved the universes, I'm sure nobody will think less of you for either of those little..." he searched for a non-judgmental word..."oopsies."

"Doesn't matter. What matters is that I can't go back and face Wally and his family without being able to at least cloth myself without his help."

"Ah."

"Mm."

"Barry..."

"It's worse...Iris had tea with Linda and it slipped out that Wally was trying to teach me these skills. Now Iris is constantly complaining about how ugly the C.T. looks taking up the family room and how my suits used to hog over half the closet space."

"Um..."

"I figure that what with your ring being the most powerful weapon in the universe, it might stand a chance of curtailing disaster should The Speed Force go crazy on me again. If you were married, you'd understand and help a pal out."

"Barry," Hal sighed and stuck out his hand. Fighting Sinestro would have been a lot more fun, but...

The Green Lantern ring glowed for a second before a simple loom construct formed from the emerald light. Jordon waved his other hand, granting permission for Barry to have at it.

"Thanks, Hal!"

"Just don't even think of knitting me anything for Christmas."

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a/n: Kyer does not own anything from the DC Universe.

The plot idea came from this statement by Geoff Johns as relayed by Comic Book Resources on January 11, 2010:

_(The Speed Force) __"...It's just one giant Flash Fact. And at the same time, when Wally creates these uniforms, it gives him a burst of energy. So right there at that moment, I felt like they were about to get a second wind. They were all regrouping, they were all together and it was the right time for Wally to kick it up and kind of show Barry a trick he didn't know. _

_And Barry's not going to be able to figure out how to do that trick. He's going to try, but he just can't weave a uniform out of the Speed Force. He has to rely on his ring." _

right...that's over with.


End file.
